I apologize if this is rude of me to ask, but looking at the translation, by which I mean the English, it appears there are grammar issues. However are these grammar issues due to the Japanese it is translated from, or are they genuine grammar issues? There are a lot of "tense" mistakes, mixing up past and present tenses in the same paragraph.

The original text is perfectly fine, so it's more of a translation issue.

Callipygian said:
The original text is perfectly fine, so it's more of a translation issue.

Is it alright if I correct the tenses?

Go for it.

Well I've corrected the tenses. Can you look it over to see if it's okay? Anything else I should change?

Your changes are all fine. I altered a few lines, so it's pretty much good to go.