And this is about that time when shit is about to go down.

ずぶずぶと、なし崩し的に、目的を見失いつつも、それでもナズと

それからは事あるごとにナズに誘われて、「手解き」を受けた。 舐めて舐められ、飲んで飲まれて、挿れて挿れられて。 ナズは限り無く底なしで、こいつと肌を重ね合わせるのが日常になった。 そのせいか、最近、星さんへの感じ方が変わった。 以前は星さんに対して、僕は上手く接することが出来なかった。 彼女はとても誠実で、僕は憧れの念を感じていて、好いていても遠い存在だった。 彼女と会話するだけでも胸が高ぶって、話しかけるのも難しかった。 しかし、今ではまったく緊張しなくなった。 彼女が時折ドジっても笑って助けてあげれるようになった(以前は、緊張で助けたくとも、手を出し辛かった) 自分のドジを恥じる星さんを可愛いと思う。だけど、その感情は以前とは違う感情だった。 彼女に胸の高揚を感じなくなった代わりに今では 普段、寺でナズを見るだけで、彼女の肢体を思い出して、欲情を覚える。 そして、ナズもそれを察してか、こっそり二人っきりで抜け出して、軽く事を済ますのだ。 続きは夜に。と言葉を残して。 そんな堕落した日々を過ごしている。 今、あいつは僕の胸の中に居る。 「君も私の扱い方に慣れてきたね。」 僕はナズを抱きしめていた。 ナズは後ろから抱きつかれるのが好きだ。 いつも、行為をする前にこれを強請る。 「小柄の体もいいね。君を全身で感じられる。ご主人様の様な長身じゃこうもいくまい」 とナズは僕に体重を預ける。 「色気のないこの体じゃ君には不評のようだけどね。」 とナズはくすりと笑った。 よく言う。毎日その体で興奮させている癖に。 頭を撫でてやる。 こういう自嘲的な台詞を吐く時は頭を撫でて欲しいサインだ。 ナズは「んっ」と甘ったるい声を上げた 「君って奴はいつも私が頭を撫でて欲しい時に・・・君で遊んでいるつもりがに君に調教されてしまったよ。」 やれやれとナズは笑った。 もうこいつは習性は百も承知である。 だが、そこまで体の事を知り尽くしても、こいつの真意が分らない。 何故、こんな体の関係に持ち込んだんだ？ からかっているのか、体の関係を愉しんでいるのか、 それとも、別な・・・。 「君は本当に馬鹿だな。」 もう星さんの事はどうでも良くなってて、この関係にずぶずぶはまっている僕にこいつの背中がそう僕に語りかけている気がしたわっふるわっふる。

I was losing sight of my goal in tiny increments, sinking in deeper and deeper with Nazu...

After our agreement, Nazu invited me over at every opportunity for "instruction." I teased her, I was teased. I drank from her, I was drunk by her. I made love to her, I was loved. Nazu was insatiable, bringing our bodies together became an ordinary thing. Maybe that was why my feelings for Shou-san changed. Before, I couldn't even talk with Shou-san. Though I honestly longed for her, I loved her only from afar. Just meeting with her made my chest so tight that it was difficult to talk. But now, all that tension was gone. Sometimes she would fall and I would laugh as I helped her up. (Even before I would help her up, of course, but nervously, and touching her hand broke my heart.) I do think it's cute the way she gets embarrassed when I myself stumble, but it's a different feeling from the one I felt before. My heart no longer wants to burst. Instead, now I feel passion only when I see Nazu at the temple, when I remember her body. Nazu must have felt it too, because we would often sneak away together to satisfy ourselves, parting with the words, "Until tonight." That was how far we had fallen, day after day drunken with pleasure. Now it's her in my heart.
"You're getting used to having me trained, aren't you?"
I was holding Nazu from behind. She liked to be held from behind. She always insisted on being held this way before we made love.
"Isn't my small body nice? You can feel all of it at once. A tall person like my master can't give that to you," she said, leaning back against me.
"Even though you say you don't like small people like me," she said and chuckled a little.
She says that alot, even though her body excites me every day. I stroked her hair. These little self-deprecating jokes were a sign that she wanted me to.
"Mmm," she said, sweetly but loudly, "Whenever I want you to stroke my head... to have you play around with me, you always... I've been tamed completely, haven't I?"
She shook her head and laughed.
'You know me just as well. But even if I know everything about your body, I still don't understand anything inside your head. Why do you do all this? Are you making fun of me? Do you just like the sex? Or is it some other...'
"You really are an idiot, you know that?"
'I wish you would stop caring about Shou-san,' her back said to me. This relationship was pulling me in, deeper and deeper.